I legit thought I’d bypassed the commonly cited post-partum crisis.
As far as I was concerned, I’d emerged from the fourth trimester triumphant, babe in arms and sanity intact.
HAHAHAHAHA
Ereshkigal had a date with me yet.
When people say ‘if you want to heal your childhood wounds, have a child’…they're not joking. And for the record, I had no interest in healing my childhood wounds.
I’ve since learnt that every age the child meets, is accompanied by whatever (unprocessed) trauma you experienced at that exact age, and in my case that trauma erupted like a volcano. Relationships that were/are dysfunctional have been exposed and left raw.
Kali herself appeared early on in this journey and told me no stone would be left unturned.
So I did what any sane person would do…
I put her back in the pack,
I PUT HER BACK IN THE PACK.
Not today Kali,
N o t h a n k y o u.
I reshuffled my cards,
Cos second time lucky,
My fingers are just warming up.
I PULL KALI AGAIN. Sigh.
A date with destiny whether I liked it or not.
Interestingly Kali is often associated with time. The only god or goddess I’ve encountered so far that grapples with this existential and yet utterly material concept. Wtf is time?!
This mother gig is stressful, like non stop stressful, and it is peppered with beauty purer and truer than any other, but you do also return to the stress straight after those glimmers. You basically live and die for the glimmers, or alternatively you could just die.
But the sun is rising over a few hours of childcare each week, which has given me a little space to breathe. Yoga has come back into my life as a daily practice and it has made A WORLD of difference. When will I learn, even as a yoga teacher, that yoga every damn day is the one??
Honestly, I’m a fan of a 15 minute youtube class. They can rearrange me for approx half a day. And in this new life of mine, half a day of sanity, is SUPERB going.
Maybe I should record a 15 minute youtube class? Shall I? If I could do a poll here I would.
If you’d like one, comment and let me know.
Love to you all.
Stay sane with yoga.
Love Harriet E
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Ps. Kundalini class is in person in Birmingham every Monday tix here
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